Ketchup

Ketchup is one of the most wonderful things known to man. It’s the king of condiments and goes great with almost everything. I absolutely love ketchup. I mean, I’m even a ketchup snob. I totally look down upon anyone who uses anything other than Heinz and people who refrigerate their ketchup. That’s almost as bad as screwing up homophones. Seriously, it’s one of my top 10 favorite things ever (next to sweet tea, of course).

So, naturally, I was really shocked when I heard there was a new ketchup packet. After all these years, I can’t believe they would go and change the classic, familiar ketchup packet. And then I saw this wonderful diagram and realized: this is going to change the world.

First of all, it’s triple the capacity — triple! For someone who routinely has to ask for more ketchup, this is a blessing. Secondly, it’s multi-functional: you can dip and squeeze! There’s no more need for those egregious tiny paper cups. These new packets mean serious business. And they didn’t make it small, either. The orifice through which dipping occurs is so big that almost everything I can think of will fit right in.

I am so super stoked for this. I think it might even be more revolutionary than the iPad — and that’s saying a lot.